abhorrentphantasm's Xanga

What is the worst pain you have ever experienced? Did it "make you stronger" as the saying goes?

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 05:14:10 GMT

The worst pain I've experienced was a few years ago, when my boyfriend misinterpreted my xanga entry. It ruined our relationship entirely. I posted about the days events, and how I hung out with someone I hadn't seen since I was two or three, and how he was a great guy and everything. I meant it in a friend way. But it apparently came out as a love interest. Fighting between us ensued, and it was bitter.

This ex and I are still... sorta friends? I don't know if you could call it that, but we talk on occasion. It's not the same anymore, though. That night, the night everything fell about, I felt absolutely shattered. It's a feeling I never wish to experience again.

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The New Lady Sylvanas

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 05:04:05 GMT

I must say, Blizzard did a very nice job with her. She's hawt. I can't resist posting a screenshot I took of her on my blog.

Another Change

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:14:37 GMT

It appears I will be moving back to my father's. I intend to get a job, once I am there. Right now, I really should be working on my paper for World Religion. I find it funny how our teacher tells us to be open-minded, when she was so closed minded in one of our conversations one day in class. Taking a religions class in an area that is primarily Christian is a bit of a challenge. I find that very few students at my current school are as open minded as myself.

I hope my new school is different.

God DOES Have a Sense of Humour

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:39:52 GMT

Just for fillers: the band director and my mother and I do not get along. There have been three huge fights.

Now why I believe God does have a sense of humour.

Months and months ago, my friend and I were with mom on the way to church. Naturally, we were discussing how awkward and funny it would be if our band director showed up. Later, my cousin and I were discussing it. Then it was time for praise & worship. During it, the door opens and in steps... you guessed it! The band director!

Another One of My Views on How I Feel About Christianity

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:32:11 GMT

I've been trading messages with someone I met through Revelife lately, and after typing this message in response, I felt I had to share it. I think I made a valid point.

...and that's why I don't call myself a Christian. For the most part, I have nothing to do with it at all. Most of our "Christian" morals are present in nearly every religion. I believe that there is a God, or a higher being. I can believe that, and not have to worship that. I live in the Bible Belt. From what I see, most of the "Christians" in this area is just that (fake). Look at all these huge churches -- in Little Rock we have one church that expands acres. It is larger than a mansion. Every time I see these churches, I wonder to myself, "Couldn't that money be put to better use?" I understand a lot of people won't help themselves, but sometimes there are people who can't. In Conway, there is a homeless man who has... I can't remember what it is called, but he's badly deformed and everything. He can't get into a shelter, and he really does use the money people do give him to feed himself. In Conway, there is at least one church on every corner. I understand that just about all churches have their outreach programs. But how many of those churches have them set to their community? Most are reaching out toward others -- and I have no problem with that -- but sometimes, it is the community they are in that needs it most. I live in one of the poorest counties in the entire state. In fact, last census there were only somewhere between five and ten people with six digit incomes. We have a church that had the nerve to say that, after a disaster, the people affected didn't need anymore help and to stop helping them -- while many of those people in that disaster (it was the Atkins tornadoes on February 5th) were still homeless and without food or clothing.

My lack of faith lies largely with the church. When it comes to my decisions and the way I act, I do keep as close as I can to God's word. I'm not perfect -- none of us are. However, I'm not about to group myself with people who preach one thing and -always- act another. I probably just haven't found the right church. That's likely the biggest problem I have. That, and I'm being forced to go to one that does, in fact, have a bad reputation. It always has, regardless of who pastored it.

There is a also a difference between intentionally disobeying and disobeying without realizing it. I don't intentionally disobey the Word, unless it is when it comes to cursing. I have a bad habit with that, and I've yet to meet someone who never curses, Christian or not. When it comes to people wanting you at church solely because unless you attend, there will not be any seniors to have a celebration for at the end of the year, or solely because they don't believe you'll be a good role model to someone they won't give a thought about in a year or two, there is something wrong. Don't you think so?

Ready to Dance

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:25:40 GMT

My friend and I, along with my mother and my little brother, painted our soon-to-be shared room today. It was kind've funny, actually. We went to Wal-Mart to get the paint. I beat her to the isle and was looking at a colour. Without saying a word to me, my friend walks over to the samplers, and picks up the exact one I was looking at. We then moved to the side to look at others, and my mom comes into the aisle. She walked over to the paint selections and was like, hey look at this! and she picked up the exact same one. I thought it was funny. The colour is Ready to Dance. It's niiice.

What are your thoughts on going vegetarian or vegan?

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:19:27 GMT

I could never do it. That, and I fail to see a point. The meat that is sold in our stores is processed and packaged and all that stuff. So refusing to eat it really isn't going to save any animals, in my opinion. That doesn't mean I'm going to bash on a vegetarian, though -- I have a good friend that is one. But it also means that I'm not going to put up with all the "But that's killing animals!" stuff either. :D

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If It's For the Best.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 07:49:27 GMT

It's been a while since my last weblog post. I'm just posting right now for an update on my friend's situation. She's moving in with us. Mom's drawn up temporary guardianship papers and her parents have agreed to sign them. It was kind've shocking to me. Tomorrow, or rather this afternoon, we're going to Wal-Mart and buying paint. We're taking my brother's room and we're going to share it. Fortunately, my friend and I agreed on colours. :D I think it's going to be a family sort of thing, for the most part. We're gonna go get my friends stuff, too... and somehow manage to put her bed on mom's car. >.>

Anyways, I'm glad she's moving in, even if she does annoy me immensely sometimes. It's better than where she was at.

The Computer was Bought for Me, as Well as Other Electronic Items

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:21:05 GMT

I really, really hate it when people try to use me or my devices to talk to other people. I constantly have to deal with my best friend's boyfriend trying to talk to her through my computer, my cell phone, my iPod, and my Wii. I told him today that my father bought my computer for me and not whatever friend happens to be staying at my house at the moment that someone IMs for them and not me.

Anyways, I've been forced to read this guy's IMs and in some cases, I even let her on the computer -- but after about four or five times, it gets very vexing, you know? I mean, she's staying with me because of trouble at home. So until things cool down, she's at my house. And her boyfriend seems to think that I'm obligated to give her full run of my belongings.

Well, I got another story for ya buster. Fuck off.

On a side note: I haven't blocked him because... I'm not sure why, but I'm about to. :D

What has been the biggest challenge in your life so far?

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:20:05 GMT

I would have to answer high school. And I don't exactly mean it generally either. I've attended three different high schools (and I switched between them all during my sophomore year.) The second of my high schools was just fine and dandy, and I'd love to return to that sort of atmosphere. The first was just lonely, and the latter is a living hell. Being in the Bible Belt, it seems some of my teachers forget a few rules that have been put in place. Most of the time, I tolerate them, but I really hate it when I go to class and rather than finding my work assignments on the board, I find the date and time of the next Fellowship Breakfast/Prayer/Bible Meeting instead. I have nothing against those interested in it, though. I'm just not.

I'm also sick and tired of the drama bullshit -- and how the teachers think it is their right to go around telling all their students information about another student's personal life. Or how a teacher can constantly shit talk one student and tell them how they aren't going anywhere in life, without having repercussions. And by shit talking, I do mean name-calling as well. I love the teacher to death, but she could treat some of her students better.

For the most part, the rumours have been a challenge. Hell, if I go by this school's rumours, I would have like... four children since I moved here.

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